When He Says He Hates The Phone

June 23, 2020 by No Comments

We’ve got one of these situations where I think our requester has all the information she needs, but is looking for different information. Kristi’s man told her outright that he hates talking on the phone. But if he really liked her, wouldn’t he call sometimes anyway?

Er…maybe. Let’s get specific, shall we?

I met a man online and had a terrific first date a couple of weeks ago.  He prolonged our date by suggesting we do something after dinner and then told me he’d like to go out again.  I emailed him the next day and kept it short and sweet, just thanking him and saying I had a great time and would like to do it again.  Since then, we’ve been emailing back and forth.  It never takes him more than 24 hours to respond to my emails and he’s referenced going out again but hasn’t officially asked me out.  He had a work trip that lasted almost a week during the two weeks since our first date, so I understand that our schedules perhaps haven’t permitted seeing each other again yet.  However, I’m getting frustrated that he never calls – he always emails.  Before our first date, we talked on the phone at least twice.  He said at one point that he hates to talk on the phone, but if he really likes me wouldn’t he do it now and then at least?  And when is he going to stop talking about seeing me again and actually ask me

Dear Kristi,

I wouldn’t worry about the lack of calls. You say that he said he hates talking on the phone, and then you ask if he “really liked you” wouldn’t he do it anyway?

Well, no. Why would he do that, if he hates it? Plus, he likely feels that if he already told you he hates the phone and you didn’t tell him, “But I WANT you to call,” then he’s in the clear. He likely has no idea that you even wish he was calling, seriously.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But of COURSE he’d know that I’d want him to call. It’s obvious!” No. Not even close. He told you how he felt about it, and as far as I know, you didn’t tell him you weren’t cool with it. He thinks all is well. He doesn’t know you want him to call. You’re going to have to let him know, or he won’t know. You know?


On the “no date after a couple weeks” thing, I wouldn’t worry too much about that yet either. I mean, you said it — he did have a trip right in the middle there. The “I’ve been really busy” excuse is only BS when he actually is NOT busy. If he’s out of town? Give him a chance, you know?


If I were you, I’d put into an email a gentle prod. Just put out the bait. “So, when are we getting together again?” is probably enough. It’s not putting yourself too far out there — you’re just mentioning what’s already been said. If and when he takes the bait, suggest that he call you to figure out when. This way, it’s win-win. Date AND call, right?

And again, you might have to let him know that while you know he’s not wild about the phone, well, a gal likes a phone call now and again. Do it playfully and you’ll get what you’re after. Something along the lines of, “I know you don’t love the phone, but I have to tell you — I really like hearing your voice sometimes.” If he senses that it will be a good thing for HIM to call, well, most guys know how to pick up on that hint.

Good luck, Kristi!

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