What to do about a Jealous Boyfriend
Our second question in the series comes from the beautiful island of Martinique!
“What do you do when your boyfriend wants you to cut all your male friends out because he thinks they may be a potential threat for your relationship? He doesn’t believe in male/female friendship and cuts out almost all his female friends for you. I think this is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust in your partner. What do you think?”
I smell trouble. Any man who tries to control the friendships of his girlfriend is not only demonstrating insecurity, he’s also demonstrating a need to control her. First he’s trying to tell you who you can and can’t spend time with. The next thing you know, he’ll be telling you that you can’t go certain places. You can and must nip this in the bud right away.
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This doesn’t have to turn into a huge fight. In fact, the right use of humor and sassiness can put him in his place without damaging his ego or hurting his feelings. The next time he starts to turn into the green monster, give him a sweet look and say:
”You know you are my guy. If anything, spending time with my male friends reminds me of why I like you so much. They are hopeless!”
Then be sure to quickly change the subject by distracting him with a snack. The key is to not turn this into an argument–or even a discussion. By getting engaged in a debate about it, you are basically handing over to him the power to make the decision.
Now, if you are hanging out with ex-boyfriends, ex-hook-ups, etc.–or hanging out in guys in sexy places like bars or their apartments late at night–he probably has a right to be uncomfortable. I generally do not recommend hanging out with your ex-boyfriends unless there are absolutely no sexual or romantic feelings left over at all.
If he still keeps acting like a gorilla when you spend time with your guy friends, you can say calmly (without raising your voice or going on forever about it):
“Thanks for sharing your opinion, babe, but I wasn’t asking for permission.”
And then give him a sweet kiss and prance right out the door.
Another thing you said in your question concerns me. He doesn’t believe in male/female friendships, but he’s only given up almost all of his female friends? What does that mean about the females he has kept as friends? This sounds like a double standard if I ever saw one. Also, it’s a well known habit of men to accuse their women of cheating on them when they in fact are the ones cheating. They think that just because they are up to no good, their partner must be doing the same thing.
Your man’s jealousy is a red flag about deeper issues that may be waiting to bubble up to the surface. If he continues to try and control your social life, you may need to kiss this one goodbye.