The Only Problem Is That We Really Haven’t Met Yet

December 30, 2020 by No Comments

Dear Dr. Ellen: I met this man a few months ago who has never failed up to this minute to make me happy. He says he loves me. He sounds so caring and considerate. He is everything I need, I think. The only problem is that we really haven’t met yet. We met on one of those match maker sites. We immediately clicked and started emailing each other often and then we started chatting online, 4 to 5 hours a day. I feel like I really know him well. We have decided to meet but my friends and brother think that I shouldn’t do it and they would like me to break off contact with him. They think this whole thing is bizarre since he is willing to fly several thousand miles to meet me. I personally can’t wait to meet him. He makes me so happy. It’s something that I have never felt before even with the guys that I have been with in long relationships.

I am not a lonely person. I have many friends. I am an athlete and very social. It’s not loneliness that drew me to this man. Now that we have become part of each other’s lives, I would love to meet this guy but I’m feeling some pressure now. What do you think? Is it a “pseudo” romance as my brother calls it? Do you think it is not real and I would be better off putting an end to it? I would really like your opinion.

Dear Sunny: I have personally met and spoken to many people who have gotten married as a result of running a personal ad or meeting someone on-line. I know that your brother and friends are concerned about your safety of meeting someone this way. We’ve all heard horror stories about the internet and it is wise to get as much information about the person that you can. Anytime you meet someone new, you are taking a risk. Whether you meet through a mutual friend, at a bar, in a chat room or through an ad, there are never any guarantees that, “What you see is what you get.” Many people have a false sense of security when they meet someone, for example, on a plane and exchange business cards. Just because you spend time talking to someone for an hour, doesn’t mean that you know them. Other people go out with someone they met through work. Just because you happen to be in the same building, doesn’t mean there is less risk. The people, who have fallen in love, have all said what you have said. They felt so close and something clicked. I think it’s very exciting and you should definitely meet. I always recommend meeting in a very public place and certainly the airport qualifies, so I don’t see any problem meeting him there. Make sure that he is staying at a nearby hotel and not with you. I hope you have gotten some vital information like the name and telephone # of the company he works for and his home phone # and address. If he has nothing to hide he will be willingly to give you that information. If he makes any excuse for not providing you with that information, then I’d side with your brother. Having another couple join you is also a good idea. If he is truly a kind and considerate man then he’ll understand your discomfort and want to do everything he can to make you feel comfortable. If that includes a chaperone for the entire time, so be it. If he gets annoyed or you sense any defensiveness on his part, it’s a sure sign that it is not your best interest that he has in mind, but his own. – Dr. Ellen

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