Mirror Mirror

October 28, 2021 by No Comments

“SOMERSAULT, BITCHES!” Puerto Rico comes flying across the room, knocks over everything on our table, lands head first onto the corner of our couch, and immediately passes out. Michigan weekend has officially begun.

The temperature on our thermometer is reading “Warm enough for black people”, so I decide that I’m going to jump into Mirror Lake this year. “I’m not jumping in, I have a fever.” That little fuck has probably been thinking of that excuse all month long. He’s not getting off that easy. I then begin making plans to sneak up on Brown Sugar and throw him in. I’m giddy with excitement. Not only will I be the usual center of attention, but I’ll get to get all James Bond on someone. Where is Puerto Rico??

“YEAH BITCHES, YEAH BITCHES, YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT! THAT’S RIGHT!!” He comes flipping down the hallway in a fucking cow suit WITH UTTERS!! That little shit fuck shit stain has just upstaged me. He then reveals how he’s been plotting it all along, and didn’t tell anyone until he put the suit on. My night is ruined…

Me: “I am so going to skull fuck you.”

Bingo: “What? What’d I tell you about talking to me that way?”

Me: “Shut up, you know that I’m just joking around.”

Bingo: “Hey, I wanna come see you soon, though.”

Me :”I’m kinda busy all week, but you can come over here and hang out on Wednesday if you want.”

Bingo: “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

Haha, “hang out” at my place? On a Wednesday? She wants to fuck.

Puerto Rico: “Who was that girl you were talking to on the phone? It was Trouble, wasn’t it?”

Me: “Nope, it was Bingo.”

Puerto Rico: “Yeah it was, it was Trouble!”

I show him the last dialed number. He feels stupid and walks away. I should know better than to think he’d just walk away…

“WWF BITCH!” Puerto Rico comes charging at me while I have two beers in my hand. Do I drop a beer and beat his ass, or do I hold onto both of my cans with dear life, hoping that I don’t spill any and risk getting smashed between him and the wall? My beers are far more important than my health, my back now hates me.

We get to Mirror Lake…

Me: “Where is that little fuck that thinks he’s going to get away with not jumping in!? He belongs to me!”

Brown Sugar: “Hey man! I jumped in!”

I swear, the asshole Gods are not with me tonight. I get pissed off and start to pull in every body near the edge that I can find. Still, no satisfaction. Disappointed, I take the walk of shame home. Four unanswered cell phone calls. I call back. Who is this?

Blue Eyes: “I’m in town, at Mirror Lake. Come see me. Now!”

Fuck. Yes. The screamer is back. She just made my night. She’s with a guy that she’s trying to get rid of, and asks me to say all kinds of lies such as “Say your name is Amanda” “Please, just say you’re nothing more than a friend” “Say you’re with my friend, Jackie”. We plan to meet at 4 kegs. She arrives with a chump latched onto her arm. I can already tell that he doesn’t like me. Probably knows that he is getting played like Candyland. Nice, sweet, soft, and just like a chump.

She goes in, and tries to lose the guy to come leave with me. I hear them speaking in the background of her phone…

Candyland: “Where are you going?? We just got here.”

Blue Eyes: “I’ll be right back.”

Candyland: “Stay and have a beer first.”

The guy is seriously trying too hard. I’ll say this one more time, if your girl has chose someone else, she chose someone else. Take the loss and move on. She comes out to meet me. I notice Candyland in the background…

Blue Eyes: “You know I want to spend the night with you, badly. That’s why I kept calling you.”

I look up and notice that the guy just isn’t going to go away. Since she’s from out of town, her stuff is probably at his place…

Me: “It’s cool, we’ll just meet up another time. Okay?”

Blue Eyes: “Can’t you just stay here?”

Me: “I have company at my place, I can’t just leave them.”

Blue Eyes: “Go get them and come back.”

Me: “You know I can’t do that. And besides, I gotta work tomorrow.”

Blue Eyes: “Well, why don’t you just come up to my college and visit me tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m not going to do that, and you know it.”

I normally would have given her a kiss, but I didn’t want to fuck up things between her and the guy who was holding her stuff back at his place, so I give her a pat on the back and walk off.

It then hits me that I had also planned to meet up with another girl that I really like on Wednesday. What the fuck do I do now? I’ll have to cancel plans with one of them. Do I go for the guaranteed lay, or do I go for the girl that I actually connect with? Am I as superficial as some are led to believe? I guess we’ll soon find out.

I get back home…

Tank: “Omari, you were out fucking with Trouble, weren’t you!”

Me: “Nope, haven’t even talked to her.”

I tell him my story…

Tank: “So does this mean that you’re back in the game?”












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