Is He a Resurfacing Man, or is this For Real?

June 11, 2020 by No Comments

We might have another resurfacing man here, folks. Or is he? Josey dated a guy for about 3 months, when he suddenly vanished. (There’s that 3 month breakup deadline again!) But he’s recently been sniffing around, sending messages. So far, no date scheduled. Should she bother with him? Has he recognized the error of his ways, and he’s now ready to lay himself at her feet to beg for…ok, probably not that. But let’s find out what’s going on:

I love reading your site- it cracks me up!  I was hoping you could help me with my own personal manslation…

I hope that as well, since you have so cunningly complimented me as your first move. Clever girl…

Dated a guy for 3 months, pulled the whole “disappearing man” trick, and now after about 6 months he’s started to contact me again.  So far we have just been sending messages back and forth, no mention of meeting up has been made.  But i’m wondering whether I should give him another shot or not?

As I mentioned in the intro, the 3 month breakup is very, very common. 3 months is one of those mental speed bumps that causes a lot of people to evaluate, “So…am I really in this thing or what?” You guys said no.

Background, we had a very PG relationship, no sex or anything, mostly just intense makeouts.

Three month relationship, and you never got an R rating? Not even PG-13? A stern warning from the ratings people? Adult Situations, whatever that means. (Is that, like, escrow?) Interesting.

We would  text/email/call each other daily and go out on dates 1x per week.  Then suddenly he was busy/tired on the nights that we were supposed to go out and after 3 weeks of this, I had enough and told him so.  We stopped texting/emailing/calling and hanging out, but I would run into him constantly, usually at least 1x week so we have talked quite a bit since then, as we go to the same gym.

SO whats your professional opinion as a MAN, JeffMac??? Did he realize he made a mistake or is he doing something slimey?

Dear Josey,

Interesting situation. And I’m wondering –why no sex after 3 months? I’m not saying that you HAD to have had sex. Plenty of people wait various lengths of time, all the way up to, “until we’re married.” Hell, some people even wait longer than that, I suppose. Not happy people, sure. But they’re out there.

I guess what I’m wondering is, was there a reason? As in, are you a “not until marriage” kind of girl? Did you just not really want to with him? Was there something about him or the relationship holding you back? Or was it HIM? Did he not want to with you? Were you guys wearing really complicated clothing and just thought, eh, why bother?

I ask because it seems that this is, at least in a way, a “limit” that you two had placed on the relationship. And as such, is it possible that this limit was not amenable to him? Totally possible. I don’t know for sure, but that’s usually why the Fade happens. Someone starts to realize that even though nothing major has gone WRONG enough to dump the person, not enough has gone RIGHT to justify staying. So you….f-a-d-e.


Well, first of all, we don’t even know if he’s coming after you yet, as no dates have been set. But if he IS, honestly, it’s hard for me to assume that he’s any more serious now than he was back then. I don’t know of too many situations in which someone drops off the radar and then resurfaces because they’ve “made a mistake.” They might even THINK that’s why they’re back. But usually, it’s more along the lines of:

I’m finally lonely enough to date you!

Something less than awesome, yes? Another one is:

She was against sex back then…what about now??

Another winner, eh?

Obviously there was some interest there. But if he was totally cool with not dating you for six months after pulling a fade…he had plenty of time to know what he was missing, and he was ok with it. Why the sudden change? It seems fishy to me. (MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Fish themselves rarely seem fishy to me. Somehow, I just trust them.)

If he DOES come trolling around for a date, I’d be very wary that he was just looking to see if your “no sexie” policy was still in effect. I could be wrong, but that’d be my guess. If he REALLY liked you, he wouldn’t have stood for all this “not dating you” stuff for six months.

What do you think of this guy, ladies? Workin’ his way back? Or still out the door?

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