Clueless Night

May 18, 2021 by No Comments

I felt very odd going out this Friday night. I can’t describe the feeling, but it was almost like my brain just wanted to be lost in the clouds. To say the least, I fumbled a lot of plays.

Local Irish Pub

The Local Irish Pub has become the default springboard for each night that Wingman Stick and I go out. We know a lot of the regulars and it always gets us into a cheery positive mood for the rest of the night.

Approach 72: I’m sitting on a stool with my back to the bar. My body language is relaxed and inviting. I’m chatting with Wingman Stick when he nods his head and whispers, “hotty at six o’clock.” This is my cue.

I look over my shoulder. She is very cute. I hesitate a bit. My mouth opens.

Me: Are those ciders? (pointing at her drinks)
Her: Uh no, they’re just Miller Lights
Me: Ah, I see, sticking with the classy stuff, huh?
Her: Haha, yea I spare no expense on my drinks

She gives me a smile then leaves to go sit with her friends. I turn to Wingman Stick and say, “We’ll just chalk that one up as a warm-up.”

College Bar

Approach 73: After finishing our drinks we head out to College Bar to meet up with Stick’s girl, Wing Woman, and her friends. As soon as we walk in we head over to the bar next to a cute girl. I touch her on the shoulder and say,

Me: Hi, need a quick opinion. What do you think of my friends sweater? Is it stylish enough for this place?
Her: Umm, yea, it looks alright.
Me: Just alright?
Her: Well, it works because it is cold out, so he can get away with wearing it.

I talk to her some more about men’s fashion and what looks good on guys. I start running out of things to say so decide to leave on a high note. I tell her I’m meeting some girls here and have to go find them.

As I walk over to the dance floor I am suddenly pounced on by Wing Woman and her two friends, Shy Girl and Crazy Girl. We make our introductions and quickly begin to get our groove on. This is when I realize that Crazy Girl is…well…crazy!

Crazy Girl, unlike the rest of our small dance circle, is all over the place. She is out of control. Her arms are flailing, legs are prancing, and her singing is intense. It actually gets me fired up. So, I join in and start going nuts too.

I get myself all amped up. I do the robot. I do some crazy AC/DC hopping on one foot move. I start grabbing girls and spinning them around. I make Shy Girl spank my ass. It was out of control. It was fun!

Eventually in my wayward antics, a girl grabs my hand from behind. I turn around and it’s Robot Girl from last week. She says “hi” and naturally we start having a robot dance off. She claims that she won but I think my fans would’ve disagreed. Unfortunately, I ended up losing Robot Girl again because of her disappearing act. Damn, I’m going to have to start calling her Houdini Girl.

Approach 74: By this time, I’m all sweaty and exhausted from dancing, so I decide to go hang out by the bar. While standing there, I notice a cute woman by herself. She keeps glancing at me. I turn to her and ask her what she thinks about the Robot. She then flips out and tells me how stupid it is and that I needed to grow up! Her words were very hostile for some reason.

I wasn’t expecting this type of hostility from this cute woman. I can’t help but think she was already pissed off about something else. I simply tell her that I’m sorry she was having such a bad night and say it was a pleasure meeting her. I slip away back to the dance floor, not letting her comments phase me.

For the remainder of the night, we all continue dancing until closing time. Shy Girl had left a little earlier. The rest of our foursome meets outside of the bar. I hear Wing Woman and Crazy Girl whispering something about me. I demand to know what they said.

They tell me that I’m Christian from the movie Clueless. They say that I’m very stylish and that I stand posed like a male model.

“So, I’m the gay guy from Clueless, that’s just great. I can’t help it if I have good posture!” I reply.

They giggle at this and I’m flattered that they commented on my style and body language. At least I know this stuff is working.

This is where things get awkward. It is already assumed that Wingman Stick will be going home with Wing Woman, but everyone is just standing there waiting. I realize that I’m controlling the dynamics of the group and whatever I say next will determine how the night ends.

“Umm, so I guess I’m just gonna grab a cab then. It was a fun night, I’ll see you guys later.” I give a kiss on the cheek to Wing Woman and Crazy Girl and walk away.

I BLEW IT! For some reason I panicked; I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I think everyone was waiting for me to continue the party. Instead I chickened out and called it a night. Ughhh, I’m clueless.


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