Boyfriend is a Hidden Bisexual

March 25, 2021 by No Comments

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. For the past year I’ve been having dreams of him being with a man. I’ve told him about the dreams and he would laugh and say “no I’m not gay”. Last month I did what most paranoid girlfriends do and snooped on his computer. I found an email account I didn’t know he had and logged in. I found emails from gay men, some of them very explicit. He even told one guy where he lived (his address).

Of course I was shocked so I confronted him about it and he told me he was just confused and that he knew he was straight now. Every time I bring it up he gets very angry. I need answers and I don’t feel like he’s telling the truth. Would it be wrong of me to put software on his computer that will show me what he’s been doing? I love him but this paranoia is running me crazy! ~Don’t Wanna Share~

Dear DWS: The Bitter Single Guy admits that when he read that you had been having dreams about your boyfriend being with a man, he was ready to poo-poo your paranoia, but it certainly appears to have gone beyond dreaming.

First though, the BSG has to answer your question: Yes. Emphatically yes, it would be wrong of you to put software on his computer that will show you what he’s been up to. Really DWS? You want to be that person? Are you running a prison? Besides, what do you think you’ll learn that you don’t already know?

Here’s the deal, DWS. You suspect your boyfriend is bisexual? The BSG believes you’re correct. What your Baffled Beau is defining as “confusion” is actually bisexuality. The BSG has to say though…this isn’t necessarily a bad thing for him in the larger scheme of things! It means that as his life unfolds, he gets to have rewarding relationships with women AND men!  It’s sad for those of us limited to just the one gender <sigh>.

However DWS, it’s not OK for him to explore this side of himself while he’s in a committed relationship with you. So the issue here is not whether or not he’s attracted to men, but whether he’s going to compromise his committed relationship in order to explore this other side.

The BSG believes that this should be your stance: “I don’t care who you’re attracted to; if you pursue other people for romance or sex you’re cheating on our relationship and that’s not OK”. Sadly DWS, the BSG also believes this is likely to be the end of your relationship. The BSG has watched the Coming-Out-Of-The-Closet process before and the beginnings of it often look like you describe. Doubtless your Baffled Beau wishes he were completely straight, but that ship seems to have sailed.

The BSG recommends being as compassionate for Baffled Beau as you can be as he navigates these new waters, but also recommends that you set a firm boundary about what your commitment means. ~BSG~


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