Bisexual Guy’s Love Triangle
Dear Bitter Single Guy: First off, I’ll give you the background of my situation. I’m a guy and I was in a monogamous relationship with a girl for a year. Three months ago, I met this guy online and we went out and hooked up. I told my girlfriend that I’d hooked up with someone and the stress of our coast to coast relationship had gotten the best of me and she decided it would be ok for us to go back to an open relationship, but then finally broke up with me a month into it.
Well, since then I’ve gotten really close to this guy, even though he’s only 22 and I’m 40. To put it straight (BSG: pun intended?), he is the greatest guy I’ve ever met and one of the most fulfilling relationships I could ever want. To be fair, he is incredibly good looking and talented. And, we both have considerable finances relative to our ages. It’s only been 3 months, but I’ve never felt this way about another man. But, we both are honest about our other relationships and we’re both dating quite a bit.
Now, to complicate matters, I’ve just met a great girl and we went out on a date and kissed and are going to go see each other again. I think as long as I’m honest, things will work out the best. But my question is: do you think a girl in today’s society would ever be in an open relationship with a bisexual guy or is that out of the question? ~Kid in a Candy Store~
Dear KICS: For nearly a decade, the Bitter Single Guy has been dispensing advice to his faithful readers (I know ya’ll…TEN YEARS!) and he finds in the past few years that more people – men and women both – find themselves moving between the genders in their relationships. There are folks who believe that human sexuality exists on a continuum and some folks are all the way over on one side (totally straight or totally gay) and there are some folks who fall somewhere in the middle.
Truly, the BSG doesn’t know exactly what he thinks about this theory, but he has definitely gotten more letters like yours in the past few years, so he’ll let everyone draw their own conclusions from that.
The real gist here KICS has very little to do with your bisexual status and more to do with that hum-drum problem of managing a relationship in the midst of constant temptation. The BSG has seen, and is sure that some of his readers will concur, that we never seem more appetizing than when we already have a date. This is the dating equivalent of Murphy’s Law, maybe?
That aside KICS, let the BSG see if he can summarize your problem.
- You were in a long-distance relationship (with a girl).
- You met a sweet young thing online (a guy) and hooked up.
- Now you find yourself getting close to hook-up-guy, making you think it wasn’t as no-strings-attached as it seemed. (welcome to the club; it rarely is)
- Now, since getting closer to Sweet Young Thing, you’ve met someone ELSE (a girl) and plan to see her again.
Your question (to summarize) is if New Girl will be OK with you dating someone else, specifically a male someone else. Gracious KICS, there is so much to work with here. Here goes:
- Hoping that New Girl is down with you dating someone else seems plausible.
- Hoping that New Girl is down with you dating a guy, seems less plausible.
- Hoping New Girl is down with you dating a hot, young guy seems downright unlikely. (you don’t say, but the BSG is assuming that New Girl is closer to your age.)
You see KICS, there is no way New Girl can think of Sweet Young Thing as anything other than competition for your affection. And vice versa by the way…have you wondered what Sweet Young Thing will think about New Girl?
The BSG is going to make this easy for you. You’re worried because the big issue seems to be your bisexuality but in truth, the BSG thinks the big issue is what to do when you are attracted to more than one person. You can go the route of dating multiple folks, but frankly that gets tiring and more often than not, feelings get hurt. Most folks still buy into the idea that dating is a preamble to some sort of committed relationship, so there is a point where someone is going to get rejected (could be you).
The BSG thinks that if you are going to date multiple folks, you should (as you seem to plan) be honest with the participants. You should also be prepared for one or more of them to NOT be down with the arrangement. But mostly, the BSG thinks you should reduce your stable to just one filly. Whether it be Sweet Young Thing or New Girl, give the relationship a chance to evolve before you start adding difficult obstacles to overcome (like competition from the opposite sex).
KICS, the BSG would also be remiss if he didn’t add something here. At 40, coming out of a long distance relationship and coming into your first dude-on-dude relationship with a hot, talented (the BSG and his readers wonder what sort of talents? Yeah…whatever…the BSG knows you were thinking it) 22 year old, you may have some wild oats to sow in a pre-mid-life-crisis sort of way. The BSG recommends you determine whether this is possible and give yourself time to have fun with Sweet Young Thing if that’s what you need. If you convince yourself that the responsible thing to do is to build something Meaningful with New Girl, the BSG predicts you’ll be shopping online again within 6 months. ~BSG~
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