Are You Like a Big Shiny Black HumVee?

May 6, 2021 by No Comments

Drew and I were wandering around Memphis one hot evening just a few weeks ago. I’d never been there, so it was all-new to me: Beal Street was mobbed, lined one side to the other with souped-up Harley’s. Music thumped out of the open bar doors and windows, and the booze was flowing. I entertained a brief fantasy about becoming a biker chick. Most were my age or older, so why not? I would look good in black leather.

We started towards the famous Peabody Hotel. And just as we found the elegant entrance, up beside us pulls the biggest, blackest, shiniest HumVee I had ever seen.

Now, I haven’t seen that many HumVee’s. In fact, the only one I had ever seen for real was bright yellow. But black is definitely THE color for HumVee’s. It was SOME impressive, I can tell you.

It was sort of a cross between a limo and a tank, so polished that the entrance lights of the Peabody were reflected off the surface like a mirror. The vehicle glowed. The window were black, too, so we couldn’t see anyone inside. Those Harley fantasies were lost in the Beal Street grime. I wanted a HumVee.

We had a discussion that lasted the whole road trip back to Vicksburg about the virtues of Harley’s versus HumVee’s. Drew leaned towards Harley’s, saying practically that HumVee’s would be hard to get serviced. and difficult to maneuver in city traffic or when you wanted to pull up to the McDonald’s drive through. He did concede that a HumVee would be quite handy When you needed it, like in the rough back country or when you had to drive straight up the side of a mountain. I pointed out that THAT HumVee would never even get dusty, let alone go crashing through a muddy river bottom. THAT HumVee was for driving up to the Peabody.

Why would anyone buy (let alone keep) a shiny black HumVee? Doesn’t it seem a little over the top? Our little silver Ford Focus got us around Memphis just fine, and would have checked us into the Peabody if we had wished. It’s true, we couldn’t crush every car on the road, and spectators would not stand aside in slack-jawed awe. But we aren’t interested in that anyway.

The only reasons I can think of to own a big black shiny HumVee are to either impress the heck or scare the bejeesus out of everyone in sight. The net result is the same – no one comes close. And maybe that’s what is wanted.

Are you like a big shiny black HumVee? Are you so impressive and powerful and well protected – or maybe just plain scared – that you keep everyone away? Do others just dream of driving you but never even come close? What would it take to drive a more modest, cozy, and welcoming vehicle?

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