A book for when your way isn’t working
I just devoured the book All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. I wandered into Borders yesterday looking for a new dating book to satiate my appetite for self-help books, and despite the horrifically boring cover, I settled on this book because it was only $10, seemed chock-full of do’s and don’ts I could test out and talk to all of you about, and I had heard of the title before. I was not disappointed in the least.
This book outlines very clear rules for how women should and shouldn’t behave in relationships. It addresses what you should do on Dates 1, 2, and 3 as well as Dates 4 to Commitment in order to create the foundation for a healthy relationship. It gives advice on how you can date while keeping your dignity, how to make your guy go crazy over you, and what to do when your boyfriend or husband is taking you for granted. It provides tell-tale signs of whether a man is in love with you or not, and helps you understand why it isn’t in your best interest to relocate for a man who hasn’t proposed to you, and some tangible reasons for why you shouldn’t move in with a guy until you’re engaged with a set wedding date. In short, it’s a book that encourages women to have self-respect, dignity, and the courage to have the highest expectations for themselves and their partners. It gives you a play-by-play of just how to do it—because sometimes you just need someone to tell you what to do next.
It even provides advice to same-sex couples, men who may have picked up the book, and women with children. It is a treasure and a must-read for any woman who has found that her way of dating just hasn’t been getting her the results she wants, namely a committed relationship with a guy you’re crazy about and who is crazy about you.
You may be thinking:
“I shouldn’t have to play games! I should be able to just be myself and if he doesn’t love me for who I am, good riddance!”
“Books like that are just teaching you how to trick men. You should just be open, honest, and up front about who you are and what you want.”
“I don’t want to have to think so much when I’m dating. I just want to be. It just all sounds like too much strategizing.”
I used to think this way too—but letting it all hang out just didn’t work for me. Professing my love to men after a month of dating didn’t work for me. Sleeping with men before they were my boyfriend never made them love me. Asking a guy out—because it’s the 21st century and I have two Masters degrees from Harvard, dammit!—has never, ever worked for me. Breaking my neck to give more has never resulted in a man putting forth more effort in the relationship. My first wake-up call was reading the book He’s Just Not That Into You two years ago. My intense rehabilitation occurred as I read and re-read Why Men Love Bitches over this last year, and All the Rules combined with the army of Rules Girls I hope to surround myself with will be my weekly FDA (Former Doormats Anonymous) meeting that keeps me from going back to my doormat ways.
Men will tell you that these books are B.S. They may tell you that they are flattered when women ask them out, and that they like it. They may say that they prefer women to just say what they want—not hint or make them guess. Super-accomplished women (like most of my Harvard colleagues) will tell you that this book is old-fashioned, backwards, and “not for them.”
That’s fine. Then don’t read it. Just keep doing whatever you’re doing and hopefully it will work for you. But if you’re a Crazy Girl like me—lots of love energy that you don’t know what to do with, you want a strong marriage to a guy you’re crazy about and who’s crazy about you, and you’re tired of being disappointed and getting your heart broken, buy this book and do what it says.
Half my readership is men. I know you men will feel conflicted about me giving my Crazy Girls rules to date by. But I’m here to guide and protect my Crazy Girls—and we can’t really listen to what you guys say about what why you do and don’t do certain things. We have to listen to what you do. And in my experience, you guys LOVE THE RULES. You love them because The Rules help women relax and let you guys be the men—the pursuer, the planner, the giver. You love The Rules because it means you won’t get bullied into proposing. You won’t get pestered with text messages and voice mails from women you aren’t that interested in—or even from women you are interested in but just don’t want to talk to three times a day or for hours on end. Men love The Rules because it makes dating more fun and exciting for them—not an obligation or a chore.
So Crazy Girls, your homework this week is to go out and buy this book. Buy it new, buy it used, but it online, go to the bookstore and flip through it to see if it’s interesting. But make sure you get it!
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