Why Is She Always Asked To Be a Man’s Mistress?
Over the past year, I have been asked repeatedly to be someone’s mistress – by multiple men in different social circles.
So yes, it must be me. I am only average looking and have a voluptuous body — but I smile a lot. I am happy and social.
I am looking for someone to marry myself, to fall in love and settle down with – so I am in NO WAY interested in any of these men like that (nor have I ever been – once a cheater on their wife…they would easily cheat on me – basic psychology). I feel sorry for the wives and I distance myself after this happens. I am just curious to know….do I have to keep on running?
I learned that I have to be more bitchy and aloof to people….my being nice brings the men to me. I was told I was too “accommodating” by a guy friend. How do I change myself so I avoid this dilemma at this age? I am sick of being a bitch to people. But is it seriously MY fault if a MARRIED man cannot control himself? I AM NOT INTERESTED.
Help. Thank you. |Age: 36
I learned that I have to be more bitchy and aloof to people….my being nice brings the men to me.
Okay. But being nice also can bring the available men to you as well. So why put on a front and pretend? Do that long enough and you won’t be pretending anymore. You will be bitchy and aloof. These types of married men are everywhere. I’m not sure you can ever totally avoid being propositioned by one. It’s not necessarily you or something you’re doing. These sorts of men will hit up pretty much anyone in the hopes one of them will take them up on their indecent proposal.
Notice I italicized that it’s not necessarily anything you’re doing. Since I have no first hand knowledge of how these interactions play out, I can’t say for sure. What I know is that, according to you, this happens frequently. So I do have to wonder if there is something about your demeanor that plays in to this problem. A man doesn’t go from small talk to, “Hey, wanna be my mistress?” While some of these men might be that bold, I’m not sure all of them would be. So it makes me wonder what is being said or going down when you meet these men.
There’s something about your letter that makes you sound like you’re protesting a little too much. If you’re truly not interested and have always had that intention, it seems odd that you would constantly find yourself in these situations. Like I said, it’s hard to totally avoid these men. But if it’s happening often enough for you to write in to us, then I’m thinking you’re participating in the outcome somehow. Maybe not intentionally, but you’re the only common denominator.
But is it seriously MY fault if a MARRIED man cannot control himself? I AM NOT INTERESTED.
What I hear in your later is feigned indignation and confidence. You’re seem to be trying to convince yourself, not us, that you don’t want these men. I think what really has you frustrated is that you have actually contemplated being with one of these men, and you feel ashamed of that.You’re frustrated because you feel like this is “all that’s out there” That is not all that’s out there. You have to remove yourself from that environment so you can see that.Find new social circles. If you keep encountering a certain type of person at a particular location, then stop going to that location. Makes sense, right? Stop going back there. Find new activities or get togethers. Go to Meetup.com and find new groups with which to socialize.
So yes, it must be me. I am only average looking and have a voluptuous body — but I smile a lot. I am happy and social.
You admit that you are “only average looking” and “voluptuous.” Then you quickly add that you smile a lot. As if you’re qualifying the previous statement. You’re apologizing for being who you are. There’s your first problem. You sound insecure about how you look. That sort of vulnerability makes you a prime target for men looking to cheat, as they assume you’ll be grateful for the attention.
You are who you are, you look how you look. If you don’t like it, you can do things to change it. It’s within your control to some degree. But if you can’t accept yourself for who you are and can’t get to a place where you genuinely like yourself, you will always attract and be attracted to these men. That’s where you need to start. You need to like yourself. If you want to make some changes, do it for you. Not anyone else. That’s the only way those changes will actually have a lasting impact on how you feel about yourself. The most important change being the type of men you attract and are drawn to. You won’t be looking for approval anymore because you’ll already have it.
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