What we Miss May be Missing
I just got off the phone with a writer from London. She was interviewing me for an up coming story in Australia’s Cosmopolitan magazine, she asked me a question and it got me thinking.
After the dust has settled – from your last relationship – and you’re a free woman or man back out in the dating jungle [ and it is a fkn jungle with a lot of ugly monkeys, snakes, and “prickly plants” ], you may begin to miss your ex. But what is it about your ex that you really miss, think about it, chances are they’re your ex for some very good reasons. Was he / she really that hot?, were they really that good in bed, were they a loving responsible boyfriend /girlfriend, and was he /she attentive to your needs? This question applies to both men and women. If HE / SHE wasn’t all these things – and more -then maybe what you’re really missing isn’t them at all, maybe you’re really missing the love and being in love. I could bore you with the chemical processes that swirl through that noggin of yours – when you’re in love – but I won’t waste my breath. The take home news is that most normal healthy adults like to feel love and give love. Oh, and HAVE GREAT SEX . Notice I say “normal” people. I can’t speak to every situation.
As a man, I have to take care of a woman, sometimes to a fault [ I try to “save” them” and am good at it but it’s taxing ]. Moreover, I also like being taken care of, loved and supported. Most good women take care of their men and most good guys take care of their girls. Albeit, guys have another responsibility, MONEY. As far as women have come in the work force, men are still expected to foot the bill. I, personally, will spend only as much money on the girl as she deserves and my generosity increases the longer we’re together. A guy would be an idiot to take a girl places and spend money on her if she wasn’t returning the gesture somehow and didn’t prove she was in it for the long haul. She has to earn privileges with both her investment in the relationship and her nurturing. Likewise, a woman who spends time and effort to take care of a man when he’s not pulling his weight is going into emotional debt. I digress.
So if you’re missing someone, chances are you are COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND NORMAL ;). You have a heart and you most likely are not missing the person as much as the love you shared with them. The action of love and being loved can take place with another human being so keep your mind focused on that and not your ex.
Also, for those of you who saw the Keane “Bad Dream” video I posted on face book. I’m going to share something completely personal with you. I’ve lived a life that is difficult to describe; I’ve jumped out of planes, built my own home on 300 acres, lived all over the world, been with Victoria Secret models, rubbed shoulders with celebrities and orphans, became a New York times best seller and had a movie based on my TV persona, basically everything I’ve gone after I’ve achieved. Pay attention, This is NOT about me tooting my own horn, this is who I am. This is Steve Santagati. Moreover, I’ve discovered the penalty for being enlightened; the more “aware” you are and the more experienced you are, the more isolated you can feel. I have very specific tastes in what I find attractive in a woman and I’m painfully aware of what I have to bring to the table. Therefore, it’s not easy for me to find a great woman or great friends that “get me” , can add to my life, and can fill in my gaps.
I’ve always felt this tie with the universe / god [not the guy in the white robe]. What I ask for and pursue, I achieve, that simple. Often times I will stand on a beach or in the woods with my eyes closed and arms spread wide and try to feel at one with the power of the universe. NO I’M NOT A HIPPY OR TOUCHY FEELY. We are part of the Earth; we possess the same power that pushes the waves, creates the lightening, the cold, the heat, and the wind. When I give myself up to that and don’t allow the borders of my body to exist I become one with that power and am Omnipotent. So, when I put that song up it’s because I’ve lost my faith. I’m tired of fighting right now and I’m looking for a sign for what I am to do next. It happens. We disconnect with that power.
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