What Does Be a Man Really Mean?
“Man up”
“Sack Up”
“Show some balls”
“Be a man”
“Be a gentleman”
Question: When did it be so acceptable to attack a man’s manhood for such trivial things as not paying for a date, making the first move or texting and not picking up the phone to ask a woman on a date?
Try to imagine, if you will, if men all over the Internet said things like:
“Why are you asking me out? Geez. Could you try to be a little more feminine?”
“Gee, you talk about sex a lot. It’s not very feminine.”
How many women would be all over these men for making such remarks? How many of these men would be accused of chauvinism and sexism?
I’m truly interested in hearing why this is the route some women take in order to get the treatment they want. I also want to know just how successful they are with this tactic.
I’ve done this myself. There have been times where I have said and felt that a man was not being “a gentleman” for not paying a tab. What I was really pissed about was that the man did not make me feel special or desired by not picking up my half. So the natural, if not completely ignorant, reaction I had was to hit him where it hurts….his masculinity.
Clearly, that line of thinking didn’t get me very far, now did it?
I was on a conference call yesterday with Kira Sabin, discussing the topics we’d cover in our podcast next week. One of the topics that came up was Sex & The City and how the show objectified men. The intended message, I think, was to demonstrate to women how the bonds of female friendship can often surpass and be more supportive than the ones we form with the men that we date. Kira revealed to me that, as a dating coach, she gets more male clients than she does female ones. When I asked her what was being that trend, she said that the men told her that they don’t have anyone with whom they could discuss their dating related issues.
DMN once said that most men don’t publicly complain or vent about their dating related challenges. Is that because they just don’t have as many..or is it because they’re afraid to be called weak? If so, how are these attacks on their masculinity helping them be more open and communicative?
There’s this idea out there that men aren’t supposed to want love or companionship, that they’re all enjoying hopping from bed to bed and having a new woman on their arm every night. Or that they’re some kind of misanthrope who has lost their faith in the female race. But maybe, just maybe, some of those men who appear to love their footloose and fancy free lifestyle actually do want love and romance and all that. They’re just to afraid to say it out loud for fear of being deemed “girlie.”
Women have been struggling for years to be get outside these little boxes that some people like to put us in. We’re supposed to want children, we’re supposed to want marriage, we’re not supposed to be this or say that. I don’t think it’s ever occurred to some people that some men feel equally scrutinized.
Finally, since when does the concept of boldness and bravery only apply to men? Ball, stones, sack, etc. All attributed to male genitalia. The funny thing is…I rarely hear men use these terms. Mostly women. Why?
Finally, finally…why do we sit back and wonder why men are texting us and not calling us instead of..wait for it…CALLING THEM?? I don’t get it. if you want to talk on the phone or you want to meet up with someone…why wait for them to ask? If they’ve already shown the interest of asking for your number and making contact…who cares who asks whom out? I don’t get it. The guy isn’t “being a man” by calling a woman or asking her out. But a woman isn’t being being considered equally lazy/flaky/cowardly by not just saying “Want to grab a drink?” or not picking up the phone, dialing those 9 digits and initiating a conversation. At the very least try to do it. If the guy hems and haws or lets it go to voice mail, then leave a message and be done with it. Stop giving men so much control and then going behind their backs and taking to your blog or twitter or calling a girlfriend and acting so sassy and empowered. Want to be empowered? That that ball and run with it.
YOUR THOUGHTS?
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