The Fuckable vs. Dateable Debate
Myth: Women fall into one of 2 categories: F**k-able or Date-able
The Female Perspective
Date-able girls are the quintessential ‘good girls’ and good girls don’t give it up that easily. These women are the ones that men want to date, bring home to meet the parents, and maybe even marry. If a woman has sex too early in a relationship (when exactly is considered “too early” by the way?), this means she’s not a quality catch and has just a won a position in the F-able category (never to crossover to the date-able category)…. Since when does having and liking sex automatically make you F-able and thus prevent you from being date-able?
The Male Perspective
Just because a guy wants to see a woman naked, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any long-term plans. The truth lies with the women who fall into the “maybes” and “not interested” categories. Usually a woman deemed “f**k-able” isn’t a hot naughty girl, but someone who, if there wasn’t an alternative, we would have sex with. With these women, we make judgment calls. In normal circumstances, we wouldn’t consider a relationship with them, because an attraction doesn’t exist. If an opportunity exists for a one-night stand, we make a judgment call (or sometimes the alcohol makes that call for us).
Another Male Perspective
The problem is trying to convince women that their taste in men is skewed. It is circular reasoning of course because they only have evidence of one side of the equation, i.e. there are guys that they did not have sex with right away that became their boyfriends and there are guys that they did have sex with right away that did not. But, they don’t know (and cannot know) whether there are also guys that that would have been their boyfriends anyway even if they had sex right away and they don’t know, as you said, and cannot know most importantly whether those guys that wouldn’t wait around for sex would have turned into boyfriends had things moved quicker. (The only way to prove the theory is to sleep with enough guys really quickly to get a representative sample and see how they turn out, and that is obviously not physically possible since at least some of those guys would turn into relationships.) – DMN
The Moxie Perspective
Men and women need to let go of these antiquated and backwards storylines. If they fuck you “too soon” and they intended on seeing you again, then you are both fuckable and dateable. If they fuck you “too soon” and deem you “undateable” they never intended on dating you in the first place.
It’s not the sex that makes a woman undateable. That’s the myth, and it’s one that women like to perpetuate because it contributes to the other incredibly annoying argument that all men still act under the double standard, which then contributes to the “let’s fuck/date like men and show them who’s boss” mentality that so many women attempt and at which they fail.
What really makes a woman fuckable versus dateable is her taste in men. Stop dating assholes and there will not be such sort of delineations. See, only the douchiest of douchebags would have sex with a woman and then use that act as a reason they wouldn’t have a relationship with her. They were there, too. The act couldn’t happen unless his penis was inserted in her vagina. Ergo, he’s undateable, too. In which case…YAY!!! We dodged a big, fat, steaming pile of poo. But instead of being relieved that some jackbag did us the favor of judging us and not calling us again, we expend all kinds of energy on trying to figure them out or change their minds.
Let me repeat…it’s not the sex that makes a woman or a man undateable. Yes, women use such categories and labels, too. What usually makes a man undateable has more to do with his emotional maturity/availability than how soon we bed him or how quickly or easily he gives us an orgasm. I’m guessing that men take the same approach. In other words, both men and women have decided that someone is undateable long before the clothes come off. Let’s please stop making this about the whole “maddona/whore” thing as it implies that men are all still living in some sort of alternative, biblical universe.Lots and lots of men can and do fall madly in love with women who enjoy and pursue sex. The ones who don’t aren’t ones you’d want to date anyway, so stop trying to psychoanalyze them. I can’t think of a bigger waste of time.
Editor’s Note: While proofing this, I realized that I typed “cagina” instead of “vagina.” I propose we start a movement to change the name of our genitalia to cagina. It just sounds prettier.
References:
My Worst One Nite Stand Competition
An Examination of A Female Mantra
Warning Signs on the First Date
How to Date Without Losing Yourself
3 Common Relationship Mistakes Women Make
You Do Not Deserve to Be Married
Are Women Too Loyal for Their Own Goo
10 Signs That You Are A Love Junkie
10 Reasons “Nice Guys” Finish Last
10 Things To Do On A Dinner Date
When Dating Becomes a Numbers Game
You Probably Weren’t Born Like This
Social Networking Intraux Pas: Don’t Do This
Dating Bucket List: 20 Dates for Your 20s
Why You’re Responsible For Your Mate’s Actions