Dating in southern California
I’ve lived and dated throughout the United States, but since 2016, I’ve been happily settling into the culture and climate of southern California (also known as “SoCal” or “So Cal”). So when I playfully asked my local Twitter followers what they liked about dating here, I thought the responses would be positive. Instead, I got responses like these:
Nothing.
not much!!
“OK,” I Tweeted again, “so Californian bloggers aren’t so hot on the Cali dating scene. Anyone else? Reasons you like dating in California?” No response. That’s it, I thought, time to approach some of the local bloggers . I had read quite a lot about the New York dating scene and I wanted to know: What makes dating in southern California unique? As a result, *wink* *wink* *wink* is hosting its very first collaborative blog poston the dating scene here:
Cole from Pre Middle Age (Orange County):
“You can ask me on a proper date, that’s what you can do!” I told a guy some time back when he kept texting to hang out. Hanging out. That’s as Southern Californian as, umm, things that are Southern Californian. It stopped the guy and his texts dead in their collective tracks.
Men in So Cal like to hang out. They are not terribly fond of asking women on dates. Proper dates. Dates where there are utensils involved and a guy picking up the check involved. And hand holding involved. And proper kisses good night involved. Nope. Men here like to hang out. They love knocking on your door and sitting on your couch and grabbing your fucking remote. And they adore eating your food and they eye your bedroom like it’s the Holy Grail.
For the record, it is.
It’s rather adorable, these men. Yes, there are the exceptions. We call them exceptions because they are, umm, exceptions. Still, if you live in the southern part of this great state expect someone to text you and say something remarkably romantic like, “Hey, what’s up?”
Profound. I think e.e. cummings penned something similar.
And eventually, when you tire of the texts, someone will come along and set a date to see you. And then they will stand to greet you and pull your chair out at the restaurant. And they will lean in while you talk and graze your leg with their hand while you dine. And they might even reach over to kiss you sweetly as you talk about the stresses of your day. And if you’re lucky, real lucky, they’ll call you on your bullshit.
Now, that’s some damn dating.
Alex from The Urban Dater (Orange County):
Dating in Southern California is pretty amazing. Theoretically, depending on how ambitious you are and your date’s tolerance levels, you could start a date by skiing early in the morning, grab a bite to eat at a trendy, well-reviewed eatery in the late morning/afternoon, then head off to the beach to relax while you and your date oggle one another’s beach attire. When it’s all said and done, you and your date could knock a couple drinks at a beach side bar or night spot. Dating in So Cal offers so many possibilities.
In fact, dating in So Cal is kind of like taking a nymphomaniac and putting them in the Adult Superstore in Las Vegas. Too much good stuff! There’s no shortage of amazing places to eat, museums to see and art festivals to attend. The amount of choices and intrigue of dating in So Cal is difficult, unless one is possessed of infinite curiosity and motivation to get out there and discover all of the interesting nooks and crannies. Fortunately these gems of local culture are more easily found and accessible with the widespread usage and adoption of social media. I single out Yelp and Foursquare in particular, as these are tools I have used countless times.
I am from Orange County. However, for a good long time I was exclusively dating women out in Los Angeles, because I wanted to expand/geo target my dating activities to areas I didn’t know well. For one of my dates, the gal I was to meet picked out a hip little coffee shop in Culver City to meet at. Turned out that coffee shop was closed that day but not to worry. With the help of social media I was able to direct us to Royal Tea, also in Culver City. An awesome place! It had a personality, it was a hollowed out warehouse building, with a pop/comic art exhibit on display and just a hip vibe to it, not to mention amazing Royal Honey Milk Tea. Mmm. This location was truly a needle in a haystack.
The fact that there are so many choices of things to do on a date in So Cal is truly amazing. The true talent isn’t necessarily finding something to do, it’s finding the right thing to do on your date. It’s easy to go overboard. Keep it simple, be agile, and southern California will take care of you.
Lori from Adventures of a Single Girl (San Diego):
Dating in So Cal rules because of… the cheap dates!
What? I don’t mean your date being cheap, as in they don’t want to spend money on you, but because you don’t have to spend a lot of money to go on a great date here.
California has beaches, mountains and desert! You can go anywhere you want in the world, all while still staying here.
A perfect example is the beach: Take a hike down to the beach and take a blanket, a couple of sandwiches, some wine – not more than $30 – and you have the most serene, romantic, yet cheap date. Good luck doing that in Arizona! 😉
Southern California is filled with beautiful scenery, city living, country living, you name it! The best part is you don’t need to spend a lot of money to enjoy it, and you can still get the point across that you did put a lot of thought into it.
MoneyMaus from Money Maus (San Diego):
I’ve been living in southern California since I came here for college from the Pacific Northwest at 18. Now, at 24, I’ve definitely experienced the SoCal dating life to the fullest! What I love most about it is the variety of guys I have met: every guy except for two were transplants!
There was Portland Man, three NorCal men, Boston Man, Seattle Man, New Hampshire Man and two SoCal natives, plus others that weren’t as memorable. So many people come to southern California, and to be honest those transplants are always the best guys I date! They truly appreciate the beauty, sunshine and perfect weather that SoCal offers all year round. And most of them tend to be the outdoorsy type as well, from hiking to surfing to golfing and skiing. Also, the transplants tend not to be as stuck-up or have a mightier-than-thou attitude as I’ve found with the locals. It’s also an immediate connection when you realize the other person is from out of the area, so they know what it’s like to come to a new city, have to make new friends and start a new life.
Here’s to more future dates with transplants in southern California!
Kelly from Notes from the Dating Trenches (Los Angeles):
When you hear the words “dating in Los Angeles,” you probably picture young actresses with bleached hair and fake boobs sipping Mojitos alongside the characters of Entourage. Ok, maybe this does happen, but for most of our city’s singles dating here is not what you’d expect.
The truth is, I’ve never dated such a wide range of interesting people anywhere else I’ve lived. Sure, there were the players and agent-y types. But then there were the artists, writers, realtors, entrepreneurs and sales guys reminding me that L.A. singles are not a homogeneous bunch, and I prefer my life to be full of new people, thoughts, and experiences.
Here are a few reminders and thanks (names have been changed to protect the innocent):
- Josh the marketing exec/ conservative Jew: I am not an argumentative person, but he made me scream and laugh at the same time. He taught me about sitcoms, politics, and navigating Jewish holidays.
- Roger the eco-friendly screenwriter who introduced me to Malaysian food and Vedic meditation. Namaste.
- Steve the postage meter salesman who was enthusiastic about everything, even automated postage machines. He made me laugh every day.
- James the volleyball player who liked me despite my lack of interest and knowledge of his sport. He taught me a new appreciation for 80’s dress.
- And finally, the musician I’m with now, who taught me that I can make a living as a writer in L.A. without feeling like a stereotype. His joy and sense of adventure is contagious. Together we’ve enjoyed things like vegan berbere in Little Ethiopia and ginger salted caramel ice cream sandwiches from the CoolHaus truck. Only in L.A.
(Orange County now; Inland Empire for a few years):
I’m an explorer by nature (Viking blood, hello!) and when I initially moved to southern California from Asia, I was disappointed. I missed the public transportation, the culture and the large, sparkling cities that never slept. I didn’t want to battle my way through traffic to find that coffee shop in that strip mall so I could coo with my boo over a couple of iPhones. That, to me, was uninteresting, even bland. I too believed all Californians were fake, plastic, bleached blonde (for the record, this is natural). I wanted to live in New York or Singapore or Barcelona. I did not want to live in the sprawling cookie-cutter suburbs that is the Inland Empire.
That phase, the“I Dislike Southern California” phase, lasted a few months. Then I woke up. Dating someone couldn’t be better in southern California. First of all, there’s the weather. With the weather comes a collective awareness of health and body exposure that, if abused, results in unfair expectations and plastic surgeries galore. But, surprisingly, most of my SoCal friends were very healthy and cared about what they ate. It’s no surprise that Californian cuisine is known for its healthy approach, and I’ve never had difficulty finding a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. And with the fabulous weather, why wouldn’t you take a weekly hike, or learn to surf or rock climb? I’ve never met a more active group of men in my life, and none of them were gym rats either. People go outdoors here. And yes, they “hang out,” too. Contrary to what Cole prefers, I like easy-going guys, and there are so many of them here.
But what interests me most are the people I meet here. As Money Maus and Kelly pointed out, some of the more interesting people in southern California are the “transplants.” I’m one of them. The guy I’m dating now is one of them. In fact, California was built by transplants and its adventurous spirit still lasts today. On my years of traveling abroad, I have more frequently met southern Californians than any other type of American. What can I say? This is a traveling state; people come and people leave. That constant movement creates an almost-imperceptible buzz of activity that is present at every turn.
So what are my favorite dates in SoCal? First of all, as Lori says, either the beach, mountain or desert is fine. I love them all, although I’ve become a real beach bum after moving to Orange County. I’ve picked up surfing, found some friends and dates through that. I’ve picked up rock climbing and got a couple more phone numbers out of that experience too. I’ve gone on countless walks on piers and enjoyed dozens of sunsets on the beach. None of these dates costs much either, perfect for students like me.
But a perfect date to me is the “Californian picnic.” Start with a bottle of local wine (Temecula is wonderful for this and you can take your date to Old Town Temecula while you’re there). Then pick up some bread, Californian cheese, Californian-grown avocados, Californian-picked pecans, and Californian-grown apples. You could also bring some Ghirardelli chocolate (technically from Nor Cal, but we’ll look the other way). And you’re set! Pick a location: I recommend the beach or an oak tree meadow. And you’ve got yourself the ultimate southern Californian experience! Enjoy that sunshine; we’ve got hundreds of days of it this year.
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