How to gain understanding in the manipulation of men
Found this “Men, what do you wish women knew about you” questionnaire:
What guys think is important, their perspective on life.
Guy talk: how they speak differently than girls.
[In spite of what radfems say,] not all guys are evil.
Will a guy respect your personal boundaries and what to do if he doesn’t?
Men are visual; what you wear is not just a fashion statement; it is a signal to a man of what kind of attention your looking for.
What is important for a guy in a relationship?
What do guys think about being just friends?
What do guys think about sex?
Here’s my take.
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Interesting stuff. In what kind of environment is she teaching this, I guess it’s a church?
A lot of these questions change if you ask them from the female perspective. A girl is not going to see “guys” as a gender, she’s going to filter “guys she like”, “guys she really really doesn’t like” and the majority of “invisible guys”.
The guys she likes capture her attention and make her curious, she wants to get them – the subtext question is “how do I get them”. The guys she doesn’t like, the question is “how do I get rid of them”. The rest of the guys, she doesn’t care.
As long as they are nice and do her favors.
The question of “what do men would like me to know” is followed by “and that I can use in my favor.” So this quiz should be renamed to “how to gain understanding in the manipulation of men” and hence that’s how Im calling my post.
But, girls, first things first, men are people, too. We’re not just cattle to be classifie… nevermind.
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What guys think is important, their perspective on life.
Most men are concerned about how to be a good man / the best man they can be / trump other men. Being a winner / being successful is tied to…. wait what? you’re bored already? that’s because Im actually talking about men, see, you didnt ask the real question:
What do guys [I LIKE] think is important [ ABOUT ME AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH ME], their perspective on life [ AND IS IT COMPATIBLE WITH MINE?]
So now that you asked properly, here you go:
Most of the guys you like just want to fuck you, if you’re lucky, and then move onto better things. But hey, these are the guys you like. Other than that they are interested on their own life path and the celebration of their own manhood.
[ WHAT DO THE GUYS I LIKE THINK IS IMPORTANT ABOUT ME? ]
That you’re a pleasant person to be with, that you’re interested on them, that you’re receptive, that you’re drama free, that you’re delicate girly and fun.
[ WHATS THE RELATIONSHIP LIFE PERSPECTIVE OF THE GUYS I LIKE? ]
You have to screen them heavily and determine if they have a compatible life / relationship path. Once and again, you will probably want “more” and they will want “less” of whatever you have. Meaning you want to capitalize and they want to keep it loose.
IF that’s the case, two very important things:
1) You might try to turn a casual relationship into a less casual one, but that’s what men call “drama”, and, in reality, it is drama. Your chances of getting “more” out of “less” are like really, really low, and then, the chances of keeping that “turned around” relationship healthy are even lower. But if you reeeally feel like playing lottery and losing everything, go ahead.
2) Understand that the emotions you’re feeling and the reasons you like this guy so much, are fleeing and short term sighted. Yes, you’re immature and your emotions change a lot. What makes this dude a stud depends heavily on context. School, jobs, life, world will all change, and when change comes, your emotions for this dude will change too, and you’ll probably want to pursue another one. So, back to point 1, its a seriously bad investment to pursue a guy who doesn’t want you for long term, when you’re not prepared for long term yourself, and, your own changing world and emotions are going to make you want out of the relationship even if you do get one. Got it?
But, your life paths might be compatible, you might both want casual fun (if this is going to be taught in a church, good luck telling the truths to the girls, instead of trying to rationalize that they are actually going for marriage with every guy who makes them hot), or you both might want long term stuff, and if it aligns, go ahead!
To sum it up. If the guy you want “more” with wants less, next him. Also if a guy wants more with you than you want with him, next him, too. Oh, the balance. Maybe keep him close just in case.
And the guys you don’t like or the invisible ones, you don’t give a fuck about what’s important for them nor their life paths, do you.
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Guy talk: how they speak differently than girls.
The main difference is that guys focus data and girls focus on emotions. Subject and context. Guys go blunt about it while girls soften the… ah… not that you care. What was the question?
How do the guys [I LIKE] speak different than girls [ AND HOW TO KNOW WHEN HE’S HITTING ON ME? ]
Just like when you like a guy you seek opportunities where he can make a move, a guy will seek opportunities to do / say stuff that makes you feel. He will say stuff to make you feel. His language is going to be bold, risky, and progressive, as long as he likes you.
[ HOW SHOULD I TALK TO HIM SO HE HITS ON ME? ]
He might not get all the hints, since guys, specially the ones you like, tend to be more on the non-subtle kind of communication, they are more direct and blunt. So if he’s not pursuing you, make it even easier for him to approach you. Ask him to walk you back home, let him be alone with you, touch him (arm, skin, dont push it, unless you’re at a dance club and going for the kill), hug him, be receptive to him touching you back, smile a lot.
Last – and definitive last resource, open your mouth and tell him you like him. Why last resource? because being blunt and frontal is male thing. Whenever you act like a man you’re becoming less attractive to him in the feminine way. Unless he likes guys / he needs his hand to be guided during the process, if that’s your thing.
You have plenty of weaponry to make HIM make the move. Doing the move yourself, save that for the very very last resource.
[ HOW DO I TALK TO HIM WHEN WE’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP? ]
Wait what? ask the real question.
[ HOW DO I MAKE HIM DO WHAT I WANT WHEN WE’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP ]
Here’s where you can learn to be more direct in a way that will not scare away your dude but instead make him be more appreciative of you, and hold you like the treasure you really are.
Your subtle ways of communicating, which might work with your other girls and the invisible but friendly guys, wont work with this man, he’ll instead be annoyed by it and call it drama, since men (you like) are ill-prepared to handle nonsensical emotionally charged whinery, nagging, ultimatums, threats of withdrawal and outbursts, all of which you will retreat to after he misses the many hints of what you expect him to do.
So whenever you want him to do something, ask. Ask, dont tell, dont give orders, because if you do manage to make him into the kind of man who takes orders from you and is ok with obeying someone who bosses him around with negative-fueled micro management, you’ll turn him into one of the invisible, or worse, one of the not liked ones. You want a better man, let him be one. Ask. You need something. Ask for it.
And let him take charge.
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[In spite of what radfems say,] not all guys are evil.
Poisoning the well uh? Sure, not all men are evil, just like not all germans are pedophiles.
The vast majority of men are good. Your problem is that most of the guys you like are bad – for your agenda.
[ NOT ALL GUYS I LIKE ARE EVIL? ]
Wrong question, try again.
[ NOT ALL GUYS I LIKE JUST WANT TO FUCK ME AND DUMP ME ]
Better. Most of them, yes. But why were you calling them “evil”? projecting much? sure, they are bad news or bad investments, depending on what you want with them. But if guys having fun are “evil” so are sluts and girls who’re not marriage oriented. Start calling sluts evil and shaming women this freely, then we can talk.
The next thing you have to know is that all these invisible guys doing nice things for you also want to fuck you, so by your definition of evil, they are evil. Their evilness is different though. They perceive you to be so above of themselves, they wouldn’t dream to be able to get any better than you – how’s that for your self steem? – so they would like to fuck you and keep you, aka “be in a relationship”, and are deathly afraid to scare you, make you feel uncomfortable, and all they wish in the world is to make you happy and make you see them as men.
Yeah, these invisible man, all they want is to be seen.
So they can finally wipe out their dicks.
I know, they have issues right?
Most of the guys you don’t like also want to fuck you. The rule is simple: is this man giving you attention? then he probably wants to fuck you.
Which doesn’t make them evil, just horny, which is fine.
You’re welcome.
[ WILL ANY OF THE GUYS I LIKE WANT TO BE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH ME? ]
Yes, probably. If you have your likes attuned to what you need long term, yes. And as long as you’re also giving this man what he wants long term.
So yeah, there are plenty of good guys out there, as long as your definition of “good” is compatible with how you define yourself and you’re realistic about it.
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Will a guy respect your personal boundaries and what to do if he doesn’t?
The vast majority of men will respect your personal boundaries so much you will not even realize these men exist. What’s the question?
[ WILL A GUY I LIKE RESPECT MY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES? ]
No. If he does, be sexier.
A guy you like will play with your personal boundaries. He will tease you, break promises, make you angry, but also give you surprises, unexpected signs of affection. He will push forward when you’re not sure. He’ll say yes when you say no. He’ll say no when you say yes. But when you both agree on something its going to be magical. He’s just doing his own regardless of the boundaries you attempt to impose. He will not bend when you change your boundaries, he will not bend when you push and pull and try to manipulate. Over time you’ll sense that his own boundaries are strong enough to protect you both, and that your inherent volatility gets better, more calm and merry when you surrender your own boundaries to his, so you can merge.
The thing to keep an eye on is: when you surrender, does he protect you, or abuse you? When you give in, does he value you more, or does he take you for granted? Measure your own state.
[ WILL A GUY I LIKE TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH ME EVEN IF I SAID NO? ]
Yes, but unless he is a rapist he will stop if you make him stop. It also helps if you’re not naked at his place and you’re not blowing him out – of your own initiative – minutes after you said “no”. You know, mixed signals. If you don’t want to move forward, don’t just rely on his respect of your spoken boundaries while you rub him and temp him to keep moving forward physically. Respect your boundaries yourself. If you say you have boundaries while you dont act as such, a man, specially a man you really like, will find ways to make things happen, and as long as you give him rope to make it happen. Just like you like it.
So your best tool to avoid sex is not to place yourself in situations where sex can happen. Specially when you do want the sex.
Just like your best shot at getting sex is doing the opposite.
[ WILL A GUY I DONT LIKE RESPECT MY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES? ]
Its a coin flip. Probably the guy doesn’t even know he’s violating your personal boundaries, since they are being violated by him just being in the same room. Maybe you tried to soften that away by being friendly and now he thinks he has a chance, and will take rejection badly or he’s not being direct enough (yet) for you to properly reject him. Lots of personal boundaries crossed in the meanwhile.
Make such guys even more invisible.
Don’t put yourself in situations where they can make a move. Don’t deal with them. Ignore them. This includes not flaunting in front of the dudes you like in the same areas where the dudes you don’t like hang out, because, while most of the invisible guys will consider you out of reach and never approach you, and the few ones who do will be very polite and actually give you a self esteem boost, there’s no way for you not to also stimulate the guys you don’t like, and a few of them will approach you too, which you will then consider a violation of your personal boundaries.
Thats what you get for having personal boundaries that work like a v.i.p social club. Different boundaries for different people, but all the benefits advertised on the same board.
Hey I know this aint easy.
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Men are visual; what you wear is not just a fashion statement; it is a signal to a man of what kind of attention your looking for.
In other words, sell sex and men will buy it. Show that you’re sexually available and you’ll get men wanting to park their junk in your truck.
This includes all men, from the men you dont like to the men you like very much, so play this card wisely. Your question?
[ IF I DRESS LIKE A SEX OBJECT, WILL ALL MEN SEE ME AS A SEX OBJECT? ]
Yes duh. Did you have any goal when you decided to dress like a sex object, other than to be desired as a sex object? Did you think you could filter wanted attention from unwanted attention?
No?
[ WILL ALL MEN SEE ME AS A SEX OBJECT REGARDLESS? ]
‘Till you hit 30, give or take.
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What is important for a guy in a relationship?
That you let him be captain.
That you don’t put him down by constantly challenging his manhood – when he cannot respond to you in the same way we would to another man.
That you care about his emotional state, rather than only worrying about your own.
That you’re stable, but not rigid. Stable but like water.
That you provide a safe haven for him to go back to.
That you provide sex love affection and don’t use these as bargaining coins.
… sorry, I got carried away, you were asking?
[ HOW DO I MAKE THIS GUY WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, AND HOW DO I KEEP HIM ]
Make him feel the best man he can be when he’s with you. Make him feel this is how it will be forever. Then keep your promise.
This will involve taking his needs above yours a lot of the time.
Thats how you make someone feel special after all.
Find someone you do consider to be this special, so you can put him first and still feel lucky that you got him.
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What do guys think about being just friends?
Men hate it. What’s the question?
[ I REJECTED A DUDE I DONT LIKE AND TOLD HIM TO BE FRIENDS ]
“Being friends” means that you plan on using your sexual capital, and the emotions he’s invested in you, to get favors, attention, and increase your social circle. Friendship means you take from this guy a lot more than you ever plan to give back. If his interest starts to fade you might rub it a bit so it gets hard and pushy, then you can get some more “friendship”.
If the dude rejected the offer he’s a wise man. Clap clap. Maybe you didn’t give him enough credit.
If the dude accepted this “friendship” he’s a wanker. Fap fap. Feel free to leech him dry.
Bottom line, if you consider yourself a good person, don’t offer friendship when you’re not actually offering one. He cannot read into it. He probably thinks he still has a chance with you and he’s gonna sort it out through the friendship. Just put him down.
[ I TOLD A GUY I LIKE, LETS BE FRIENDS FIRST ]
So you want to be friends with a guy you really like and let it evolve slowly? good luck.
Is that because you really want to be friends or because you want to see where his investment is?
Are you actually putting him in the backburner while you see how things work out with another dude who you don’t want to be “friends” first?
Is he a catch but you want to keep him there while you’re open to other prospects?
What would he do if he knew?
Whatever the case you’re probably going to stop liking this dude the moment he agrees to stay friends, right? and even if you do end up with him, your mind will wander around. Ohh see that stud over there. Yum. Too bad you’re taken with this “friend”.
Hopefully he said “no thanks, I’ve got enough friends” or “yeah sure” and back to his own business. Then you know you really had a catch there. You can always change your mind. Go tiger.
[ A GUY I LIKE TOLD ME TO BE FRIENDS, BUT HE’S VERY MUCH INTO ME ]
He wants to fuck you or even romance you, he just doesnt know what his chances are. Keep teasing him and increasing the price, see how much he’ll put on the table. Enjoy.
[ A GUY I LIKE TOLD ME TO BE FRIENDS, AND NOW HES “JUST” LIKE ANOTHER FRIEND!! ]
Finally, a guy who sees you like a person.
Just not a particularly desirable one.
Be more attractive.
[ A GUY I LIKE WANTS ME TO BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ]
Been there done that. Don’t think it’s gonna lead somewhere. Enjoy it for what it is.
[ A GUY I DONT LIKE APPROACHED ME AND ASKED ME TO BE FRIENDS ]
He wants to get in your pants. In a very slow awkward and creepy way.
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What do guys think about sex?
Hah, you saved the bomb for the last.
All the other stuff was just playing around. How tactical of you.
This is why girl’s world is so confusing – for a man.
You never ask what you want to know, you never say what you want to say. Whenever you say something the context of it is implicit, and rarely questioned, for other inner-circle girls who also “get it”. Every girl “knows” what this question is about, and if she doesn’t then she most be from that “other tribe” then she deserves to be shunned out.
Girls will ask questions like this, like this whole questionnaire, and the inflection of the voice, a small wink, a gesture with the hand, and even the place where the questions are taking place (its different if they are asked at the church, at the office, at the bar, at the pool) – and the social role of the person asking the question, all the factors are taken into account and they actually, factually, change the question itself, and then a completely different response to it is perfectly valid and reasonable.
Fuck you girls. So complex.
Do you know what guys think when they read that question?
They, we, go back to our own ideology about it, then recite it. A man will actually tell you what he thinks about sex. Then of course you’re disappointed and angry because we didn’t “listen”.
Given the context, this is what you want to know:
[ WHAT IS EXPECTED FROM ME IN TERMS OF HAVING SEX, AND HOW CAN I USE IT TO GET WHAT I WANT?]
See? a huge, immense departure from the ridiculously innocuous and vague “what do guys think about sex”, which you dont really give a fuck about, but that you don’t offer offhand in fear that it might reveal your cards and be used against you. Female wisdom in a snippet.
What men want is a conundrum for you.
Men (you like) want to make sure they can have sex with you relatively easy. The initial sex can be preceded by a little chase and work on their part, or even full commitment, but then the sex should be abundant, varied, and never boring. At the same time, that same sex should be completely out of reach for any other man that ever existed or will.
So. What should be easy and abundant for this man should be impossible to get for any other man.
Your sex is his, and only his, possession.
Give him the power.
That’s the trick you need to pull off.
On the same hand, any behaviour he might interpret as being slutty – meaning you’re up for the take for any other man will decrease your perceived value in his eyes. This can happen retroactively, or can happen as a projection to the future.
So, you thought that since you’re more attracted to a man when he’s displaying his manhood and every other girl also wants him, that the same is true in reversal? you got it wrong. Thought that since you are attracted to men who can have any other woman, men are attracted to women BECAUSE they can have any other men? got it wrong. Women are turned on by the social value of men. Men are turned off by the social value of women.
We want the woman to be ours. Ours and only. Gotcha? check what you want. In this particular instance we want to opposite. We dont need social proof. We need exclusivity. Otherwise there’s nothing to protect.
A man will always want to have sex with you. But as long as you’re also, or have had, or will in the future, be at the disposal of another man, this man will never want to be with you for anything else other than sex.
Then the tolerance threshold will vary from man to man, as anything does.
If you create jealousy or do withdrawal or you make this man compete with other men or circumstances, for a while he might do the fight to get you back and make you his. But you only got so many tickets for that show.
If you prove that you can be with other men, and you’re not only his, he’s gone. Or, he stays and puts up with it, becomes the kind of man you dont want anything with, and you move on. Self fulfilling prophesy. Good job.
If you prove that you’re committed to him and only him and he’s the only one, you’ve got this man for life.
So summing it up, use sex wisely.
If you give sex too easily, he’ll think you do the same with every other man since he didnt get to quality to you means, you dont qualify guys before getting in bed. And he’ll probably be right, you’re not worth commitment.
If you make sex impossible or too hard, this man will think you’re not into him.
If you have sex with some dude with ease, but then want to make another dude work for it, that other dude will feel you’re not into him or that he has less value than the guy who got it easy. And he’s probably right.
If you act like a slut, he wont commit. But you can be his, and only his, slut.
Gotcha?
Or, maybe you all girls are in church. If so please save sex for marriage and go back to your bible.
Don’t get too crazy.
Everyone is wanting you to fail, except…
If you’re broken you can’t be happy.