Cultural Differences, Kids, Jobs… Or Just An Excuse Not To Get Serious?
Name: Yesenia
State: WA
Age: 30
Comment: My last 3 boyfriends have been Indian. They were super fun but most of all they where all very sweet and caring. So what is the problem? The problem was that I was not Indian. I’m an engineer with a masters degree that was about the only thing the moms liked about me. I’m Latin and the last one told me that his mom would die if he took a Latino woman home, right before telling me we had a few months before he had to go back home to marry a women his parents picked for him. My question is why is it that they bother dating and looking for a relationship they know they will never be able to have without being judged by their family? Do they just want to have fun? If you are an Indian man and you are reading this, Why? why do you make someone like me lose my time and yours?
Do they just want to have fun?
In a word? Yes. Take the cultural issue out of the equation and this is no different than what happens all the time – Person A knows what they prefer in a serious or long term partner, but date Person B any way, knowing it has no future. Why do they do it? Because they’re thinking of themselves, and not considering the feelings of Person B.
There was a similar discussion a few weeks ago in regards to a man using his family as an excuse to not date someone seriously. While I have no doubt that some cultures do have very strict rules regarding marriage, it also wouldn’t surprise me in the least if people used their families or traditions as an escape clause of sorts. That way they’re not the bad guy. “Oh, baby, if it were up to me I’d TOTALLY be with you. But my family…” That’s a conversation stopper. Say one thing wrong and you risk offending him and his family.
There are a other similar exit strategies that people use:
1. A recent break up or divorce.
2. Kids
3. Jobs
Any time someone brings these up in the first few dates or on an online dating profile, they are laying down a huge boundary and sending a distinct message. This is temporary. This will revolve around me and my schedule. They will use these issues whenever they can. Yes, even kids. Which is why I would always click past any profile on a dating site where the guy was posed with their children or who went out of their way to state that their children are their priorities/center of their worlds. It’s a given that kids will be a priority. I wouldn’t expect anything different. But to make it a point to tell readers of a profile is putting a disclaimer on the ensuing relationship. It’s the same as when people who say they’re just out of a relationship, looking for friends first, work a lot, etc.
It’s hard to argue against traditions, cultures and religious beliefs. Sure, it’s easy to say, “Geez…he’s an adult. Why can’t he just tell his parents that he wants to choose his own wife?” Easier said than done. You might end up sounding like you don’t regard or respect that person’s beliefs or cultural traditions. It’s a touchy subject. As antiquated as it may sound to take part in an arranged marriage…it’s not up to you or anyone else to question the validity of such beliefs.
To be honest, I’d be offended if someone ever told me that they could never take me home to meet their family because of my ethnicity, race or faith…but then proceeded to date or have sex with me. If they never even tried to introduce me to their family, that would speak volumes about how they really felt.
I’m not sure at what point in the relationship these men are telling you this. If they told you in the beginning that the relationship had an expiration date, and you stayed, then part of the responsibility lies with you for not only staying with these men, but continuing to date them.
Alpha and Omega are actually very close
A girl goes into casual sex looking for a relationship?
When boys and girls fight, girls win.