Why Bother Dating?
Name: chatty || Location: san diego , california |Question: Here is a question… Is it possible for a guy who pays to find love doing so? I have decided I only want to date women I meet in strip clubs, because I can have a good conversation with them, and decide if there is any physical attraction to them right off the bat.. Then I can talk to them, easily, get to know them, at my convenience, and decide if they are the kind of person I would like to hang out with.. I have found that all it takes to get a stripper’s real name and real number is about 400 to 500 dollars worth of dances… After you spend that kind of money, she will, with almost no exception, give you some kind of contact info, and you can pursue her further.
There are obvious pitfalls, eg when that becomes for them, a way of ensuring income, so they text you when they are working and ask you to come in… they are not really interested in you, they are just interested in your money.
How do I get around this…is there a way to develop a genuine relationship which is started in somewhat dubious circumstances? I would love to hear from girls who met their guys in rather dubious ways…
Also, how do you go back to regular dating when you know that rather than pay 400 dollars for dinner over a few dates which maybe go nowhere you could just pay 400 dollars and have a girl show you a real good time and then sit around and talk for awhile and laugh about it, and then you have her number?
Why does anyone who has any sort of decent sex drive at all even go on a regular date? So many judgments and rules and games… so much being appropriate and doing things by the rules… when you can just break the rules and have fun?
|Age: 36
The really frustrating part of this letter?
I’m trying to come up with a compelling argument, but I can’t.
Yes, what if he ends up blowing $500 on a woman only to find out she’s not really interested? That happens when you meet women the regular way, too. Although not as often. Hah! There! I have an argument.
But the rest? I do see his point. I mean, it’s depressing, of course. But I get it. I see the point he is making. For the record, I don’t think he’s serious about trying to date strippers because it makes more sense. I think (at least I hope) he’s trying to make an analogy.
Why does anyone who has any sort of decent sex drive at all even go on a regular date? So many judgments and rules and games… so much being appropriate and doing things by the rules… when you can just break the rules and have fun?
I agree with you in theory. It would be better if we all let go of our hang ups and pre-conceived ideas and biases and “rules.” But that would include getting rid of the opinions you’ve clearly formed about women. In your mind, we’re all blood sucking parasites who are just after your money and waste your time. My friend, pick up a newspaper. Right now, we’re kind of carrying your asses. There’s more of us XX’s graduating college than there are of you. When the economy was at it’s lowest in these past couple years, guess how many of us were going back to work to help pick up the slack in our homes and relationships? So, please spare me this junk about how we’re all after your wallets. Because we’re the ones filling a lot of them right now. Sorry for the mini-rant, but I’m tired of having the sins of a segment of women held against me just because I, too, have a vagina.You guys are no walk in the pahk. (That spelling was intentional, as when I get heated I tend to speak in my Boston accent.)
On a related note, I was recently told by a man that I turned down for a second date due to his constant travel schedule that I “didn’t have enough earning potential anyway.” That was a first for me. I have no idea if he’s just been burned too many times by women (he perceived were) after his money or what. But I laughed out loud when I read his response. I was being dumped (even though I was the one to turn him down) for being poor. I don’t know if that’s funny or telling or scary or all three.
Back to the topic….
We go on dates because they hold possibility. Yes, there’s all these rules that many of us don’t even know exist, so we don’t even know what we’re doing “wrong” half the time. There’s a ton of uncertainty involved.
Which is why we need to get rid of the fear-based dating approach. We’ve forgotten how to trust, I think. We’re all waiting for the other shoe to drop and looking for signs of someone’s true colors. We’re too afraid to just say Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be. Yep, she might be using you. Or he might be blowing you off. Or they might be lying about wanting a relationship when they really don’t. Or too busy. But you’re never going to know if you sit back and wait for some stranger you barely know to lay all their cards on the table and tell you you’re on the exact same page and prove to you that they’re not just some self-serving turd just looking for a free meal, or sex or attention. Yes, you’re going to encounter those people. It’s inevitable. But you have to be willing to kiss a few frogs, as they say.
In closing, as a tie in of sorts, that guy that I said I went out with 5 times and he said he needed to take a few weeks to focus on work? He emailed me Sunday afternoon. He was back in town, he said, and wanted to see me this upcoming weekend. Could he just be looking for a piece? I don’t know. Is he still going to bee busy bee? Probably. What I do know is that he said he needed a few weeks to focus on work and things going on in his life, and he followed up. I could have blown him off or gotten pissy when he first told me he needed a mini-break. Instead I just said, “Okay. I understand.” I could have spent three weeks pissed and hurt and angry and analyzing whether he was lying or telling the truth. (Of course I vented to a couple close friends. I’m not that above it. ) Or I could have just chosen to keep my options and my mind open. Maybe it will lead to something serious, maybe it won’t. I don’t know. And I’m okay with that.
Now, if I – Queen of the overthinking and compulsive questioning and cynical thinking can do that? So can you.
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