A Pep Talk for the Follicularly Challenged

September 18, 2025 by No Comments

I’m going to be honest (you can still be rob). This must be carefully addressed, but it is a minor speedbump and by no means a dealbreaker unless you make it into one.

A receding hairline is one thing, but if the crown of your head is exposed, by far the best option is to shave it. (Don’t take my word for it, though – you can go to a quality salon and ask for a straight woman’s advice.)

You may have to structure the rest of your look around it – if you tone easily, the bald buff guy is a look that will pay off. You’ll have to sharpen your other masculine traits to compensate: posture (stand tall), gesture (fill your space), vocal cadence (strong and steady), eye contact (you’re the boss).

BECOME WHAT YOU ARE

The real answer to this, though, is game. If you have good dating game, then a woman who is attracted to you will subsume your bald head into your attractive personality in her mind. Her hamster will run to the light side of the force, reinforcing her love for you and your lack of ‘do. Guys with appearance handicaps have to make it up with game (Danny DeVito comes to mind), so in a way you are already two steps ahead of the pretty boys who will be left at the bar holding their dicks when their looks fade at age 30 because your minor problem has pushed you into learning game right now.

If you’re a young guy as you suggest, you might even get some advantage from it, as young women have a tendency to more readily cooperate with whom they perceive as older men.

Lastly, you will have to accept that bald is simply not some women’s type. However, if your game is good, you will be able to read their IODs quickly and spend your time with women who aren’t bothered by it.

DON’T TRY TO COVER UP

The fact is that there are no real quality substitution options. Combovers, toupees and hair plugs are high risk and all look try-hard at some point. Look at Joe Biden – his botched hair-implant job only serves as a frame for his Simpsons-character public persona. (Biden at least had the humor to refuse questions about it, asserting that a man was entitled to some secrets. Sounds like virtual hair virginity.)

Donald Trump’s famous combover is the perfect accessory to his tacky-chic fashion that both contrasts with and adds to his outsized personality.

Toupees are such a nouveau-vaudeville trope that they aren’t even worth discussing.

From what I understand rogaine is not particularly effective except for minor hairline retreat, and propecia and its analogues are highly inadvisable as they screw with your sex hormone system by binding free testosterone. Propecia can cause hypogonadism and loss of sex drive. Sure sounds like an effective way to up your game. This being America, there’s a class action lawsuit trying to get its way onto a docket as we speak. (Want to know more? Do some research on prostate drugs which have the same DHT-inhibiting pharmacology.)

BANISH THE WHISPERS

Step one is to, respectfully, stop listening to your parents. Frame yourself in a different way. You’re not a bald guy – you’re a dude without a lot of hair. To consider yourself a “Darwinian failure” is crazy talk of the first order. Their comments were/are cruel and obtuse.

If they really believe that a bald guy can’t get chicks, I have one word for them:

Moby.

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