So your senior man wants you to watch a porn movie with him? Not unusual. I’m often told by senior couples who visit sex therapists that they’ve been advised to watch pornographic films together.

Let’s hope the therapist means soft core.  I find hard core pornography unwatchable, but not because I’m a prude. Far from shocking me, porno movies make me laugh out loud. The production quality is abysmal, the script is banal, the actors’ chemistry is nil, the venues (kitchen counters, bathtubs, motorcycle seats) are untenable, the audio is a monotonous “Oh my God!” fakery, and the extreme close-ups of genitalia belong nowhere except an anatomy class.

IS PORN MADE FOR WOMEN, MEN OR BOTH? 

My response might be called “female” by some. The experience of watching porn is apparently gender-specific, meaning that the perception of a 60-plus man is vastly different from that of a 60-plus woman viewing the same porn film.

For a woman, the film quite likely has nothing to do with the present. It’s a trip to cherished memories of youthful lovemaking. She sees two slim and beautiful bodies entwined and thinks of a time when she, too, felt eager to uncover and display her body openly and proudly. She recalls how she was electrified by her strong young partner’s embrace. “Ah, yes,” she is saying to herself wistfully, “I remember those wonderful times.”

The man, in contrast, receives the sight of two bodies rolling about and the sound of heavy breathing on the audio track not as something that’s over but as something he’s right in the middle of. “That’s me!” he’s thinking. “That’s exactly who I’d be and exactly what I’d do if I found myself with a sexy young movie goddess like her.”   

YES TO EROTICA, NO TO HARD CORE

If what I’ve learned from my readers is a proper indication, most women over 60 would rather watch “In the Realm of the Senses” than “Candice Cunt and Her Nights of Lust.” Erotica is a far more effective way to warm a woman (should I again say most women?) than porn could ever be. And something even tamer could be a turn-on. A recent University of Rochester study finds that “chick flicks” will do the trick. Reasearchers find that watching a romantic movie and then discussing it is effective in bringing lovers together.

So if your senior man wants to set the scene for some hot and sticky sex, and that’s all right with you, shun the nasty stuff and dig out a copy of “Date Night” with Tina Fey and Steve Carell. There’s no better aphrodisiac than shared laughter –  by which I mean true pleasure, true enchantment and delight, not an attack of nervous giggling inspired by watching naked, over-endowed actors writhing gamely on the floor of a thatched Hawaiian hut.

By the way, here’s a link to an excellent article about the effects on men of watching porn. “Ten Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Porn” appeared on the GoodMenProject.com site, a treaure-trove of good advice for men — and women. 

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